After my six-month relationship ended, I decided to reevaluate what I wanted in my next one. K had never been married or had children and at first I found that to be an added bonus to an already amazingly, sweet man. Little did I know, it would hinder the growth, I wanted in our relationship. A wise woman once shared this with me: Men without children do not know the depth of love, like those who do have them. In other words, they do not know how to really put another person’s needs, feelings, wants before their own. This doesn’t make them bad or selfish people. Just different.
I met a nice guy a month or so ago. He was my age, divorced, no children and had a successful career . He drove up from South Bay one Saturday to take me to dinner. The conversation flowed , as we sat eating in a brightly lit Thai restaurant. Though, I didn’t feel that immediate connection, like I had with others in the past, he was smart, funny and attentive. In other words, I was open to a second date. After dinner and a friendly hug goodbye, he asked to see me again. Agreeing, I sent him back on the 101 and then a few days later, I sent him a thank you card. I wanted to let him know I appreciated the time and effort he made to treat me like a lady. It was comforting to see there were still true gentlemen out there, or so I thought….
He asked me out again, but because of our schedules it took some time to set the second date. With my son out of town the week of Thanksgiving for his football tournament, we made plans for that Friday. I offered to go to him, obviously, since he had come up here the last time.
When I woke up Friday morning, I was looking forward to our date and getting out of Ventura for the day. But after breakfast, I received a text from my ex. He offered to split the cost of a rental car so I could surprise our son in Vegas. I knew my date would be disappointed, but when I said goodbye to my son on Tuesday, I had already disappointed him.
I called my date and began apologizing the second he picked up the phone. His tone of voice, was less than supportive of my sudden change of plans. I began to explain what had just transpired with my ex, I felt like I was having to justify(did I mention he was an Attorney?) my trip to see my son. Not once did he tell me “no worries” or “I understand”. I asked if we could reschedule for the following weekend, but he was “booked”. When I hung up, I genuinely felt bad. But then images of my son’s smile quickly replaced any guilt I had for canceling a date.
Once I arrived to pick up my rental car, I received a text that went something like this:
Him: You’re probably going to hate me for this, but …That was a really lousy thing to do. Thank God R wasn’t injured or some other kind of emergency. He didn’t need you there. You decided you would just rather do that than go on our date. I’m profoundly disappointed.
My Reply: My children will always come first. Thank you (I really, really wanted to add MUTHAFUCKKAAAA here, but I didn’t).
I never heard from, nor did I contact Mr. Almost Second Date again. I really couldn’t wrap my head around his way of handling the situation and I suppose he felt the same way about me. We are not only from different planets (i.e. Venus/Mars), but perhaps different lifetimes. I feel I am light years ahead of him in this life. After all, I have carried three lives in my womb, arms and heart for the past 21 years. So, perhaps it is time to look solely for those who share the same life as me. The one where we, as parents come second to everything and everyone else when it comes to our children. And to that I will always say, “no worries!” and “I understand!”.